I honestly hate cny with a vengeance. It’s hard to explain why when everyone else is caught up in the festivity of things and looking forward to it.
I certainly am not and no matter how hard I try to understand, I simply can’t. I don’t enjoy the preparations for it. I can’t remember when I started hating all this.. Tensions run high and tempers fly. Certainly not the mood intended for. As I blog, that is happening. I know I’m probably talking in riddles here and that’s because I need to vent my frustrations but yet can’t be specific..
This is the time of the year when I’m
most reminded of how much I want out. I’ve had enough of the expectations and reliance. I’m tired of being made to feel inadequate.. I start to realise how much I want to keep the distance sometimes.
All I can do to make things look less bleak is to remind myself that it’s just for 2 more times.. And then I’m free… I know how this is probably starting to sound. But I really can’t be bothered to clarify..
With this reminder comes a renewed determination to make next year happen.
God please forgive me for feeling so bitter. But every year I try to look at cny with enthusiasm and optimism, and I fail miserably. And you know why…
